Many people ask me what I am doing in Swaziland.  I usually say that I am a follower of Christ and came because God called me here to share His love with others.  I am careful to say "this is what I am doing for the Lord" because it is the Lord who is at work and He allows me to join Him in what He is doing.  Many days I simply ask God to tune my heart and ears to what He is doing in the lives of those around me and that He would guide my steps to those He wants to love and reveal Himself to.  

Juliet woke up on Tuesday morning and said "Lord I need food today, I know you see me and know my need and I trust you as my provider to take care of my family."  She has been praying to finish building her house that does not have a roof because she is unable to pay for cement.  One of the participants had a donation from the states and was able to meet some needs in the community. Juliet was one of the people on the list to purchase cement for.  Tulee came to tell Juliet she was going to get her cement that she has been waiting for but saw that she was without food. Tulee told Juliet she must not get cement she must get food instead.  Juliet said "no" the Lord keeps His promises and I believe in faith that HE will provide food for me today so please get the cement for me.  During that time my friend Cassie and I woke up and spent time in prayer with the Lord.  We both felt as if God wanted us to purchase food for Juliet and her family and bring it to her.  When we arrived with the food Juliet and her daughter Misha fell to their needs and held our hands as they gave thanks.  They kept saying in Siswati that God is good over and over.  Juliet shared with us that she asked God to provide food and believed in faith that it would come.  Jehovah Roi  "the God who sees", Jehovah Jirah "the God who provides" these aren't just what He does it is who He is.  I love the fact that God allowed me to join Him in what He was doing in her life that day- it wasn't about me it was simply responding to the voice of my Shepherd that morning.  I love that I was able to rejoice with my sister that day and give thanks to God.

Mr. Dlamini was a man that some of the participants met at the hospital a couple of months ago.  He is a 90 year old man that has 50 grandchildren that live with him on his homestead. He was frail and dying and lost the ability to walk.  We prayed that morning and God lead us to visit him and his family and share the word of God with them.  Just getting to their homestead was a prayerful adventure all in itself since everyone in Swazi has the last name Dlamini.  God lead us there and we were greeted with big smiles from 30 children who all belonged to Mr. Dlamini.  We brought them food, sang songs, and played games with the children.  We all gathered in his house and he said I am ready to hear the word of God.  We shared about faith and about believing God is a living God.  I told the children that ancestor worship is trusting in people who are no longer living that can not see, hear or speak to them.  I talked about Jesus who is living that can see, speak, and hear them.  It was amazing to be in this small hut in the middle of nowhere in the rural area of Swaziland - seeing this as a dot on the map but that God loved this man of faith and His grandchildren and wanted to reveal Himself to them.  Mr. Dlamini said that he believed that God would heal his legs and I asked his grandchildren to lay hands on their grandfather and pray to the one true Living God to heal him.  They squinted their eyes tightly and all prayed in one loud voice together as they heard the gospel and then responded in faith.  Mr. Dlamini got up out of his wheelchair and walked.  The Dlamini family heard the truth and saw the truth that day.  They encountered Jehovah Rapha "the God who heals" and He revealed himself to their family to display His love to them.  Again, what a mighty and awesome God we serve.  It is awesome to join God in what He is doing in the lives of the people in Swaziland, He is such a personal and loving God.  I am called by His love and I am in love with a God who stops at nothing to display His love. 

Here I am send me... these are stories of two families He sent me to in the name of His love and I can't wait till tomorrow…

"When you hear the word mourning what comes to mind?"  Maybe you get a picture of a widow standing at her husband's grave, maybe you see an old man sitting at a table alone in the house his late wife decorated, or maybe you see a couple standing at the door of a new nursery that is devoid of a child.  These are the same pictures that use to come to my mind when I heard the word mourning.  After meeting Juliet, my idea of how I viewed mourning someone's death has completely changed. I use to think that mourning was the grief you experienced from the time the person died till you buried them.  I use to think that it was just an emotion and not an action that affect a lifestyle.   After watching my dear friend Juliet mourn the death of her husband I can see that it is more than just an emotion it is a lifestyle.

Juliet lost her husband to AIDS four months ago, leaving her a widow with five children and a grandchild.  For the first three months she had to stay in her house and did not come out because there were complications in the burial process.  After he was buried she was unable to leave her homestead for another two months to continue the grieving process.  Even still, she will wear black everyday and continue to mourn for another three years.  This is part of the Swazi culture here and what "mourning" looks like in their lives.

The idea of mourning or grieving the death of someone as being a lifestyle never enters the mind of a normal American/Westerner.  It is not that grieving the death of someone you love for three years is morbid, it is actually honoring their life and remembering who they are to you.  By Juliet wearing black for the next three years she is making a statement that she has lost someone who is dear to her and her heart is broken because of what that person meant to her.

Unlike losing someone here on earth and grieving their death because we won't have them in this life anymore, we have a God who physically is not present but the word says His spirit dwells within us. We don't have to live as though we lost Him forever. So often times we as Christians focus on the death of Jesus and how awful it was rather than focusing on what He means to us and how He has affected our lives.  I wonder when non- believers look at the way we are living- if they see us wearing black as if He has not risen.  We don't have to mourn His death or live as if He is not around anymore.  We believers we should celebrate His life- "the resurrected life" that dwells within us. 

How can we get into the presence of the Lord and not be moved by Him.  How can we be called to enter His courts with praise but have no praise on our lips or hearts?  If there is one thing that I love about Swaziland it is their passion to worship the Lord.  If you knew their stories, if you saw their heartache, if you witnessed their struggles, their hardships, their losses, their poverty you would wonder why they come into His presence with a mighty sound of praise.  I believe they are offering a sacrifice of praise- one that is deserved by a Holy God who says "these light and momentary trouble are achieving for us a glory that outshines them all" a God who says "do not lose heart, for I have overcome" I loving God who promises "to cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you" and a God who blesses our obedience to Him by giving of Himself and His character (one being joy)… "the joy of the Lord is our strength." 

So, let me just say that if you ever heard of the movie "White man can't jump" well if they made another one about me it would be called "white girl can't dance."  This past Sunday I had a burning in my spirit to get up and dance and praise the Lord with my brothers and sisters.  I didn't care about my rhythm (or lack there of) or two left feet all that mattered was that I wanted to rejoice in the presence of my God.

I love the fact that it doesn't matter what color you are, what your ethnic background is, if you are poor or wealthy, if you are young or old or if you believe in baptism by sprinkling or submersion- God says that He inhabitants the praises of His children.  I always joke with my African friends saying that we need to get use to worshipping God together on earth because there won't be a separate heaven for Africans and Americans (:  I love to worship with them because it is a glimpse of heaven.

This past Sunday I encouraged the body that one of the greatest weapons of warfare is praise.  If you are tired and weary when you begin to offer up praise that joy becomes your strength- your spirit grows strong and you don't recognize your flesh is weak as the word says "my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak."  The amplified bible says "be not grieved and depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold."  If we allow anything in our lives to keep us from praising the Lord and we allow ourselves to be distracted by those things than they become a stronghold and appear bigger than God.  The Lord is our stronghold so we should be able to praise no matter what because we know whose we are and that we are on the winning side.

A few weeks ago I was watching a thunder storm outside and I was amazed at how the thunder does exactly what it is suppose to do. Everything in creation does what it is designed to do, do we?  We were created to give glory to God yet so many times we do everything but that.  The Lord died for us- we are the creation He gave His life for and we should be crying out much more than any rock or thunder storm.

There is a new song in my heart- it is singing to an audience of one (His name is Jesus).  Worship is my response to what God has done- He has changed my life - He has given me new life in Him.  Every chance I get I worship with my Swazi friends.  We celebrate Jesus together- we honor Him- we recognize Him as the King of Swaziland- of our lives and hearts.

This Easter has really made me think about the power of the cross.  The Lord has really been revealing His truth to me in regards to forgiveness and what that means.  It is difficult ministering in a place where the sins done to the people have been ones that would make you cringe and break your heart. The simplicity of the gospel and the power of the cross brings healing and hope to all who trust in the name of the Lord.  The hope is found in Jesus who enables us to forgive because He has forgiven us and cancelled all records of sin we have committed and those done to us.  

I have come to know that the only way to ever forgive is to go to the cross.  Forgiveness is giving someone what they don't deserve - it is saying "you don't owe me anything" because it has been paid for by the precious blood of Jesus.   Last night the Lord reminded me of a "list" that I have had in regards to reasons why I was justified in my anger, hurt,  un-forgiveness.  He gently spoke to my spirit, "that list you had devalues my blood and everything on that list has been forgiven and paid for at Calvary so why don't you leave it at the cross where it belongs?"  Un-forgiveness is a sin and it separates you from God leaving a hindrance for Him to move in that area of your life.  We can either forgive and accept the power of the cross or not forgive and reject the power of the cross and what He died for. The choice is before us and will either bring life or death; the choice is simple when you know the one who forgave you.

When I think of the cross I see every person that has wronged me, I see the men who have raped innocent children in Africa, I see those who have taken innocent lives, I see the abused women that don't have a voice. The cross is what I put in between all these situations and people and there we are able to see them as redeemed and forgiven in light of the truth of the cross. As children of God we are given the grace to forgive (give what is not deserved) because the one who forgive lives in us. 

Forgiveness is the message that I share to those here who (according to the world) have the right to hold bitterness and un-forgiveness to those who have treated them unjustly.  The message is the cross it is the man who was betrayed, beaten, and hung there with our iniquities laid upon Him.  It is our Jesus who has said, "forgive as I have forgiven you."  All the things we are holding onto that keep us from the cross are the very things that took Jesus to the cross.  Not only did He die for our sins but rose again so that we could be free.  The freedom we have came with a price and it was purchased with His blood in love.  We have the freedom to forgive because He has forgiven us and gave us what we did not deserve- Amazing Grace how sweet the sound…

When I first arrived to Swaziland I thought I would take advantage of enjoying a Game drive and seeing the Big Five.  When we got to the Rhino park the driver said "get out of the car."  This is an example of not pleasing man but pleasing God.  I chose to listen to the driver and never expected I would be face to face with a momma and baby rhino.  We all know the saying we have "if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy." Well this mother stomped her foot and snorted through her nose and I knew momma wasn't happy. This turned from an enjoyable game drive to desperation.  I began to pray every name of the Lord I knew in that moment.  The situation was one of hopeless, helpless, and desperate and it caused me to cry out to God.  God intervened and the mother turned around and we were able to get back safely to our vehicle.

The past few months have been similar to staring a Momma Rhino in the face and becoming desperate for God to act on my behalf.  I believe God causes difficult circumstances, desperate situations, and hardships in order for us to become desperate for Him.  It is a cry that says "Lord I need you."  The problem seems impossible but in that we turn to a Living God who does the impossible.  In asking God to deliver us what happens is that in that desperation and yearning we meet our deliverer.  Once we meet Jesus the problem seems small compared to knowing Him.  God is a jealous God and He is interested in having our hearts fully engaged with Him. He will orchestrate things in our life in a way where we must become so desperate for Him that we need just Him not what He can do for us. 

I am coming out of one of the most painful and desperate situations my heart has ever known.  In my distress I called to the Lord He heard my cry and He came to me.  I have never been so broken and at the same time thanking my Jesus that He allowed me to become desperate in order to know the intimacy of my Father.  I am seeing that nothing compares to knowing Him and that anything this world has to offer will fall short of the fulfillment and satisfaction that is found in the Unfailing love of Jesus.   In this season of crying out, my hearts response has been I don't care what life throws at me, even if God doesn't answer my prayers in the way I want, even if circumstances seem impossible, and earthly love fails me, as long as I get God that is all that matters.  If desperation brings me closer to the heart of God, if it brings me to a place where I know His love deeper, and if it births intimacy with Him than I praise my Lord.

No matter the culture or the people everywhere there are those who are desperate. The desperation may come in different forms but the answer is the same:  Jesus.  God has called me here to Africa and many of their stories are desperate but that gives me hope that they would encounter the Living God who loves them and knows them by name.

   
Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. 

Psalm 96:1

What is the song in your heart?  This is the song I heard...

Your love is overwhelming

Your grace unending

Your peace overflowing

Down to me…hallelujah

I run to you

I cry out to you

I come into your presence

You meet me here

Where can I go from your spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

You are here, you are there, you are everywhere I am

You'll never leave

I can not hide from your love

I run to you

I cry out to you

I come into your presence

You meet me here

My creator wants to be intimate with me

I want to be intimate with you

You want to be with me, I want to be with you

You're in love with me; I'm in love with you.

The perfume of my sacrifice I'm spilling onto you

With tears of overwhelming love because of all you do

Your love is overwhelming

Your grace unending

Your peace overflowing

Down to me… hallelujah

Return to the Almighty… you will be restored 

 Cry out to heaven

Raise your voice to the Lord

Lift your hands in submission

You will be restored

I will seek the one I love

His desire is towards me

Come and find me searching

Catch me dreaming

Come and see me wasting my time on the one I love

I will seek no other

My desire is towards Him

Return to the Almighty… you will be restored

Cry out to heaven

Raise your voice to the Lord

Lift your hands in submission

You will be restored

Your love is unfailing

I will seek the one I love

 I recently recognized some pits that Satan has specifically dug to keep me from freedom.   I could believe the lie that these hurts and wounds will remain and this is just who I am.  I know that any pit is not made to be accepted by God, He wants us out and we have the power to withstand the enemy.  The word of God says that truth will set us free; therefore, we need to let the truth speak louder than our feelings.

I am at a place where I can not hide from God or turn to anyone or anything.  There are things in my life that have not been safe:  situations, people, decisions but I can put my trust in the love of an unchanging God.  He is my safe place and everything that has happened has been through the arms of a Good Father.  A holy God is incapable of sinning and He would never do anything to hurt His children.  Everything that happens is for a glorious purpose and the things that shape us have been for our good to save and help lives around us.  Beth Moore couldn't say it better, "If God allowed you to get into a pit, you weren't picked on you were picked out."  He has faith in us to allow Him to rescue us so we can help others un-wrap their grave clothes.

I am at a place of dealing with hurts, wounds, and things I have not brought into the light.  God is calling me to a deeper level of intimacy with Him and He promises that He will not allow anything to separate me from His love.  So, I am opening my heart, my arms, and my hurts to a loving God who died to set me free.  Healing takes time and it hurts but in the end I will imitate the character of Jesus and He won't be mocked.

Please pray as I trust God to pull me through.  He who began a good work will complete it.  He spent three days in a pit for me but rose again so I don't have to stay there.  I leave you with this analogy that came to me while praying.  As I first gave God permission to come in and heal it looks like a scab right now. There are times that I believe a lie and it bleeds, or I allow the something the accuser says to pick at it and it bleeds, or I dwell on it and it bleeds but each day I feel it is healing when I say "yes" to God.  One day it will be a scar but the pain will be gone- God gave me that promise last night.  It won't mean that it was never there or it isn't part of who I am but it will be healed and the scar will remind me of His faithfulness.  Praise God.

 I wondered when the world looks at me if I live my life in a way that makes them ask me for the reason for the hope I have (1 Peter 3:15).  As believers there should be something in us that still praises God regardless of circumstance, there should be peace because we know that He who began a good work in you will complete it, there should be rejoicing for this present sufferings does not compare to the glory that will be revealed us, and we should walk in victory because we are more than conquers through Him who loves us.  I wonder if our hearts says no matter what… no matter what life throws at me, no matter the cost, no matter the circumstances God be praised.  I don't want to put conditions on my love for the Lord; I want to be joyful in Him regardless of what is seen.  The pursuit is God… the hope is God… the result is God… can we live in a way that says who cares how things go we get God- we have God. 

The verse that I seem to cling to as I stumble across the hardships and sufferings in Africa is simply "take heart for I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)  I know that God was here before me, here now, and will be here when I leave.  He gives me grace to do the things He's called me to do and trust Him that He holds the world in the palm of His hand and will restore, redeem, and overcome the world.  I don't have to play God's role I can rest in the fact that "it is finished" and He is seated at the right hand of God.

It is my prayer that through it all I will rejoice in the Lord my God.  I will praise Him not for the things He does but simply because of who He is.  Let us live like believers and not beggars without hope, let us believe God is who He says He is and set our hearts on things above (Colossians 3:1-2). 

  The other day I was just walking up the hill to my house when I noticed some flames in the field beside us.   In Africa, vandalism looks like setting dry grass on fire and running away.   My friend and I wondered if we should go try to put it out but the locals here said it would be o.k. Within 10 minutes the fire had moved closer and the flames were higher than before.   The fire was moving towards our mission base so we shouted to our friends to grab a tree branch and come (only because I saw it on an African movie once).  I know God must have been humored by my slip on shoes, synthetic pants, and polyester shirt which screamed flammable.   Amateur fire fighters we all began to hit the flames with our branches to put out the flames. Little did we know that the flames were overtaking us… We heard a scream from the distance saying "get out, get out" Just as fast as we ran to the fire we had to run from it. We had to wait till the wind died down enough to go back in   We again assembled together to beat the flames with our branches when "Momma Lizzie" a local South African came with a wet rug and put out 10 flames in one sweeping movement of her hand- show off!   Again, the wind picked up and the flames were higher than us, in that moment I cried out to God and shouted for everyone to pray.   It's funny how the moment I felt helpless is when I turned to God instead of just asking Him for help before I did all my "good works."   God moved the direction of the wind, we were able to get back to safety and the fire truck came (pause for description:   a tractor with a big tank on the back with a rubber tube for a hose) to put the rest out.   I heard Dini, owner of the property, say "let's gather together to thank Jesus."   As we came in the circle the numbers grew from 5 to 10 to 15 to 20 people, many unfamiliar faces of the community.   They saw the fire, dropped everything they were doing, to bring a bucket of water and come running to help. God is faithful and I write this blog from my house, which is literally 5 feet away from the last flame that went out (close call). What a mighty God we serve !!